i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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