No awkward lesbian experiences without me
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
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