Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
