You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
