The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
