im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
