Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
