I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
