forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
