i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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