i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
