I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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