I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
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