the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
