We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
