Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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