Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
