They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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