my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
