Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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