I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
birth control should be required to get into college
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
