I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
