If i come over, it means nothing
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
