The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
