This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I understand Curling. That high.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
