I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
