Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
