Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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