chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
