Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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