They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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