Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
