We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
