I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
