she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Randomize
