I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
