your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
