Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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