fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
