sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
