is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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