He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
