I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
