Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
