So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
