Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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