names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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