I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
