My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
