yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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